Hello I am Wighar (pronounced ‘Wig-Har’)

I am 40 year old guy whom live just north of Stockholm in Sweden and I stream gameplay on twitch now and then…

Since October/November 2001 I have been suffering from panic anxiety attacks, which before medication would give me 1-3 attacks daily, these attacks were mostly at night and endured from a few minutes to several hours, these days I have 1-2 attacks a week but they are suppressed enough that they are tolerable.
It was during the years of being treated for the panic anxiety attacks, that I was diagnosed with stage 2 hypertension*** and prescribed beta blockers, this I assume is because of the heavy stress that the panic attacks caused on my system.

Sometime during my middle 20’s I was recognized by the state insurance agency as being 100% unable to handle a common job, it was at that point I was granted social welfare until I became 30 and was officially changed from welfare to becoming a pre-pensioner, My pension payout is something around and about 720€(~800$US) monthly at the time of writing, this is used to cover cost of my medical needs and rehabilitation, to save on costs I live at home with my parents and youngest brother, living at home I pay and maintain for the households internet connection which is a 100Mbit fiber connection which only costs me 32€(~36$US) monthly so I am lucky there.

I was also diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in 2010-2011 and have been battling that as well, so my health isn’t the best and I don’t have many friends living close to me anymore so I don’t often go outside unless I have a purpose that is of need, I don’t shy away from working in our back garden if something needs to be done, I also have agoraphobia since 2008 which I am happy to say a side-effect in a new medicine against my panic anxiety attacks helped fix, due to that I could take a cruise to Finland one year to relax and meet contacts living close to Helsinki.

During the years when I have chatted with people a common question I get is if I have a significant other that I have the support of, sadly to say I don’t have a girlfriend/wife in my life and I remain single, the agoraphobia might have been a factor… though I think the biggest factor in it all is that I have very poor social skills due to growing up with bullying since I was around 5-6 years old I guess, that started with me being defensive of my older brother that has dyslexia and people that knew he was my older brother came up asking me if he was stupid, this of course was very hurtful and annoying so I became defensive and angry when people asked me such things, Apparently that was enough for others to think it was “fun” to rile me up and it ended up being a living terror with different kinds of bullying, teasing and some physical fights up until I was 15-16… so yeah I have a lot of luggage that I don’t particularly want to burden a girlfriend with so I am a bit unsure to if I would find a girl in my life…

Anyway, that was a bit about me, sorry for going on about it.

Additional:
*** = Blood pressure at values of approx. 160–179 / 100–109