Christmas Week and New Years Coming

So today is the 29th of December the countdown to new years eve will soon come to an end and we will leave 2009 to the tales of history.
I do not personally remember much from this year other than bad incidents during the fall and winter, but maybe you the reader may have had some good memories of this passing year, reflect upon them if you wish or not, be them best preserved as memories.

Time to change workload and get a new power source.

Once more the time has come when saving must be done and plans be made for the future, the computer I use was a real gamers beast when I first assembled it from the parts I had bought.
It’s proved itself to be a workhorse when I played World of Warcraft or any of the several FPS/RTS games I still play these days, however the rig is fatigued and showing signs of age, the most honorable to me is that I let this tired machine convert over from Power Gaming to General Purpose Server.

I purchased an Cooler Master Cosmos S for this purpose, the new machine is now still just a plan and an empty case, I am however unsure what I wish to put in it and how much the total cost may come to, yet I am saving money for other things as well, the computer is a secondary issue and not on my primary list of things to do, more on that I may reveal another time perhaps.

Who knows, maybe you the reader have an idea of what I should put in the computer plans?, You know certain models of GPU, CPU or MoBo and why it would suit my requirements, Do not be shy just leave a comment and I will read your ideas

Might as well ask that you who feel up for it tell me what kind of system you would build and what it would be best suited for in accordance with your own desires.

Right now I am thinking of the cooling of the machine mostly, since it is a big issue with computers to have the best possible cooling for the operations you wish to perform upon them.

The burning X broadcasts

Me and my brother spent a day playing Special Ops in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, we had some fun and I thought I would broadcast/record the match, to do so I use Xfire, though recording/broadcasting limits the fps during gameplay somewhat I decided to run on 60fps limitation while recording, for some reason the fps dropped to around 35-42 in game, why I have no clue, but it worked, even if it was a bit laggy I recorded this video of the match, In the video I am keeping back and less agile as the fps was low and damage detection is usually less reliable during it.

As you may notice I let my brother do most of the work, I am just keeping him alive and covering the rear that is less work, but then again it was the last match and I was getting tired, even though I set the xfire client to broadcast sound it didn’t do so, still trying to figure why.

(During this blog posting I have been listening to Valinor Music Radio Station on Shoutcast.com)
Happy New Year.

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The Spy Uncloaked

When I play Team Fortress 2, I find its often that spies on the other teams that gets pissed of at me for some reason, today for example, wont name the french player, he or she accused me of using WH (Wall Hack for short), first of I have no idea how to use, install or even where to get one, and to explain the situation that happened is easy.

The spy was cloaked and ran thru the tunnel which I saw him run into as the cloaking field takes a few seconds to make someone fully invisible, I as a Demoman was shooting grenades into the tunnel to hit him, if it was me or someone else that hit him I do not know but spies get semi-cloaked during injury, so I saw him run into the shaft, Ready to kill the spy I don’t check who is in the shaft I instinctively shot a grenade at whatever is there, inside there was a Pyro, the pyro being the spy in disguise, short to say he was killed, He then states “Nice WH Wighar”, this of course as you understand was wrong, he left the server shortly after this.

I have previously been accused by other spy players for cheating, the problem I find with some spy players is that they think they are fully cloaked at once, when de facto it takes like 1-2 seconds for the cloak to be complete, and bumping in to enemy players or sustaining damage from explosions will brake the light on the cloak showing a walking shadowy transparent spy, Also when spies cloak they make a cloaking sound that is heard to those close enough, at one point in the same tunnel I mentioned earlier I was sniping from the end of the tunnel and I hear the cloaking sound of a spy, not sure if its one of my team or enemy team spies I turn and charge the teammate with my knife, knowing that if its a spy he will die, else it just goes thump (Friendly Fire off) and it will be counted as a “spy check”.

Notice: The following is written in Swedish

13 December “Lucia”

Då kommas December den 13:e, denna dag då lussebullar och pepparkakor serveras I var skola, och I matsalar så väll som teater scener kan man se av skolans valda elever en Lucia och hennes tåg följt av sina tärnor, stjärngossar, pepparkaksgubbar, en stalledräng och tomtar i visa fall.

Firar jag Lucia något, inte direkt, jag ser kanske lite på TV, men då brukar det oftast nu på senare tid tyvärr vara sånger som är mer av lokal tradition eller sådana man aldrig hört förut, både min mor och jag är lite mer för dom traditionella sångerna man hör I skolor och dagis.

Så vad annat gör just jag den 13:e December, inte mycket annorlunda än vad jag gör varje dag, men förstås kan man ju ha sin egen kläm på saker och ting, så i min familj tar vi oss en fika helt enkelt som vi för övrigt även gör till advents dagarna, det är vår egen lilla tradition till det hela.

Det är runt den här tiden som inskaffandet av en gran blir aktuellt i min familj och vi köper oftast en ner på byn där mina yngre bröder bär hem den, så julen äro kommen och jag önskar eder alla en god jul och med tack för att ni läst mitt lilla inlägg

With that I thank you all for reading and wish all a merry christmas and happy holidays.

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I watch BattleCast Primetime at times so I thought why not blog about it.

The idea to have a game dedicated news show for a complete game series to me is really nice and gives the community a nice bonus, first hand information on new maps, mods and multiplayer competition videos, featuring highlights of the battles, tactics and tips and tricks in the game.

Not many developers and publishers have the power and resources that EA has to do these kind of fan/community developments on their games.

I would love to see such development made for games like the Battlefield seriesand the coming MMO Star Wars: The old Republic, both of them having a huge fan/community base and may be interesting to see.

~My mind travels, I shalt follow~

I am back at the point where i find myself trying to read skill books fighting of mental tiredness and the problematics of focusing as well as motivation, there is no cure to panic attacks and the restlessness and the lack of motivation against the stress damaged mind and endurance.

So I am reading Visual Basic 2008 for Dummies to attempt to learn something not just spend time idling thru the day by mindlessly playing a game or such, and to continue once more with studying Japanese, I am setting goals now in phases so let’s see how far i can push myself.

A thought just came to me, why learn by myself, why not make it a part of the blog maybe, what do people think that reads my blog now and then?, please do leave a comment if you wish to give your view on it.

Right so now I can’t think of anything to write about, this blog post has taken me almost 2 hours woulden’t you believe?

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What have I been playing since my last post?

I have been playing Majestic 2 is the answer, it’s a fantasy RTS game which came highly recommended by a few friends as they played the first Majestic.

The game is fanastic if not a bit short for my taste and lacks a sandbox game mode at least to what I have seen, the story is ok and gives the normal “my Liege” feel of it, custom naming heroes is nice in campaign as you can save them at end of maps as lords which you can call in to assist in the maps to follow by use of the Lord’s Hall building.

 I finished the game the day after I got the game, but I do belive it was a lucky streak on the last map cause i managed to get the boss stuck between 3 fire elemental lairs up against a mountain and the boss didnt get free from them until I destroyed the lair and by then I had enough heroes to smack the boss down and enough healers to keep all heroes up during battle, the last Dwarven Tower I built cost me 400 000 gold (Human Towers pretty much the same) and this battle even with that advantage was brutal.

I was hoping the game was longer and so but its a nice game and I still recommend it and I will play it over again

I was surfing around the other day on the net feeling a bit off-track thinking of girls as I havent had a girlfriend since I was struck with panic attacks and such, mostly cause I do not wish to burden a relationship with panic attacks and such troubles onto someone I like, however I do keep hoping I will get the courage to get a girlfriend in the future, I surfed onto a RSS feed from kotaku and saw the article title “The Gamer’s Girl Gives Dating Advice To Gamers“, I was humored at first and was not sure to what this was about so I read the article and surfed on to The Gamer’s Girl and read “How to Meet a Gamer’s Girl“, I agree with what she writes and if I do get my behind out of the wagon I will take heed to the advice, and I think her story of how she met her own gamer is cute

Feeling a bit nostalgic I am planing to buy DVD’s for nostaliga, foremost I am buying the Anime Classics 天空の城ラピュタ (Laputa: Castle in the Sky) and 風の谷のナウシカ (Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind), those are among some titles I will be keeping my eyes on.

Anyways I think its time for some cookies and milk (a Nekomimi girl somewhere in my mind goes “Nyan Nyan!”, she so loves cookies and milk)

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Hur lever man med panik ångest

I mitt fall så är jag inne på mitt 8:e år här nu i oktober, många som jag har pratat med då panik ångesten kommit på tal, oftast undrar man hur det känns, vad upplever man och finns det något man kan göra för att hjälpa?

Panik ångest anfall, att beskriva hur det känns är inte lätt då det känns olika från fall till fall, men i ett försök att förklara ber jag dig tänka på hur som ett barn du är ensam och rädd i mörkret och något stort och som låter otäckt kommer emot dig i snabb fart du försöker springa men du kan inte röra dig, benen är som förankrade I golvet och det stora otäcka närmare sig snabbare och snabbare du skriker i fasa och *Poff* du vaknar ur din dröm, den känslan av rädsla och hjälplöshet är bara en del av vad ett panik ångest anfall känns som medans det pågår i allt från 5 minuter till 1 timma

Din hjärnas överlevnads instinkt slår om till fara men det finns inget att vara rädd för och du är helt utelåst från att slå ut spärren, utan du måste härda ut anfallet.

De första 2 månader av panik ångest kunde jag knappt behålla någon mat eller dryck, antigen gick det igenom fort eller kom tillbaka upp, mina första mediciner hjälpte knappt, det blev inte bättre  tills dom satte mig på vad dom sa var högsta dos.

Tiden då jag var under påverkan av den höga dosen var jag som i ett zombie liknande läge, jag gick in i saker, jag åt knappt och man fick oftast tilltala mig 2-3 gånger innan man fick respons, jag gick då vid komvux i min hemkommun och kämpade som bara den för att inte känna mig nere i klasserna och tvingade mig igenom dom små attacker jag hade då och då under dag tid.

Det var ingen bra idé att göra det men jag kunde inte göra annat då jag studerade och behövde studiestödet pengarna till medeciner och hoppades på att jag skulle klara att kämpa igenom studierna även med anfallen, lärare och studenter som jag pratade med om mina problem var väldigt vänliga och förstod att mitt liv var ett helvete, vissa lektioner så bad lärare mig att gå hem och ta det lugnt istället, när jag inte kunde sova satt jag oftast med läro böcker och gick igenom och hoppades att jag skulle klara kurserna. 

Jag klarade mig i dom flesta kurserna med mycket slit och sommar loven där mellan var mesta dels besök till psykiatriska för undersökningar, tester och justeringar av mediciner, av dessa undersökningar skickades jag för magnet röntgen den där man åker in i apparaten, denna var en av det värsta upplevelser jag varit med om.

Jag är klaustrophobiker och innan vi kom till sjukhuset för att röntga gav dom mig en tablett av min akut medicin, denna knockade mig totalt, tydligen var jag som en zombie, och tydligen när min mor hjälpte mig till MR avdelningen så hade en av sköterskorna i salen frågat om min mor var “Personal”, så ner drogad var jag tydligen, och jag hade varit svår att prata med när jag låg i maskinen… Jag minns dock inget av det som tur är jag var ju totalt borta.

Frågan om vad man kan göra för en som får ett panik ångest anfall är olika, I mitt fall vill jag helst att så lite som möjligt med folk står runt om kring en så man kan andas, Jag känner gärna att vänner och/eller familj visar stöd vid sådant tillfälle så man vet att folk finns där för en och stödjer dig igenom anfallet, jag kan inte tala för andra i sådana situationer och I dom flesta fall är anfallen så pass påverkande att personen inte minns tydligt anfallet eller de närmaste 20-40 minuterna man försöker att komma tillbaka till sin sans.

Jag hoppas att detta har get dig en insikt i hur det kan upplevas från perspektivet av den som har panik ångest anfall

tack.

( Notification )

Many of you who read my blog now and then know that I usualy write in english, but I have written before that I will write some posts in swedish at times, if you are fortunate to understand swedish i hope you enjoyed the post and will continue to read my posts when I make them.

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Do you ever get those moments when games suddenly mini lag?, You get them at times that are uncomfortable and spoils the game totaly for you.

not long ago in fact during a match in Team Fortress 2, im snipering and with my ping ticking at 14~22ms on average and with my HD GPU running the game smooth fps counter running above 160 almost all the time, at a split second the ping spikes 133ms and my graphics does that glitch that makes all avatars suddenly do that speed step  in that second of course the sniper at the other end that i was about to pop has suddenly turned around facing me and put a bullet in my head.

It is not only in game that this happends of course, websites can also lag, for example take it when I visit the website Http://www.thesecondsun.org I know for a fact that this site is hosted in Denmark and logics would suggest that the fastest way between my computer here in Stockholm (Sweden) would have little distance between the server there in Denmark, logics yes, fact no, in fact several traces I have done shows that instead of taking the logical route it jumps over to the US (huh??) and then connect to Denmark (wtf..).

Why is this some may wonder, I have no clue acctualy and have found no source that explains it in clear language.

Please if you have any knowledge of this issue feel free to register for a free subscribers account and leave a comment which explains it.

So, let’s talk about something else, like tropico 3 that as of the time of writing is going to hit the stores in October but one never knows, having tried the demo which I found at Fileplanet, the demo is nice and the new features brings you once more back to your tropican paradise, but now in style, a new feature is that you can change the appearance of El Presidente and much more, so if you are like me and liked Tropico and Tropico 2: Pirates Cove, you will love Tropico 3.

I mentioned earlier in a post that I pre-ordered Fallen Earth, I did so indeed from fallenearth.com and I got my pre-order ATV in game and joined the clan The Older Gamers with my mate Akotha and it’s a nice gang, Fallen Earth is a true wasteland futuristical MMORPG, Now when many mention wasteland they think along the lines of Fallout games series, now Fallout is a 1950′s themed futuristical RPG thus the games have no other relation to each other but the theme of a wasteland earth caused by a massive disaster or a Nuclear war

Do you have a cold?, I do indeed have one, my way of countering colds are to drink hot water blended with Orange Juice or any other flavor enhancers and I keep it balanced to my normal fluid intake.

Drink alot and sleep is the more common call when you have a cold or at least thats what mothers tells you in tv series when I was a child.

And so we are at an end to this post, have a good day and be in health.

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The chapter follows Wighaurous the Death Knight, Aighar the Paladin Templar, Thaurdúr the Beast Master and Rinwaryu the Lynxian Druid upon their last expedition within the snowy valleys of Icecrown.
the story tells of Aighars Sacrifice to a massive Frostwyrm, by focusing all his Holy energies and his shield to ultimatly destroy the great wyrm in a Implosion of Holy energies dissolving both Aighar and the Frostwyrm.

The chapter tells of Aighars last words spoken before attacking the wyrm in holy fury was that “The Hammer of the Light has not fallen, it will be brought back in retribution, Do not worry friends I have seen his fall, and i will leave this world without regrets” He raised his shield and in a stream of intense light he rushed into the great Frostwyrm, upon impact the blinding light exploded and they were both gone.

The party found Rinwaryu still alive in the huge imprint of what had been the Frostwyrms left foot, she was coughing blood but urged to go on saying that it would be Aighars wish they continue forth and reach the argent crusades outpost south and seek help of priests.

along the pages forth the adventures make it thru to the Argent Crusades outpost where Thaurdúr hands over the remaining half of Aighars semi-molten titansteel sheild to the crusaders telling of his sacrifice to save the druid that was now under care of the crusades medical officers.

some of the various elves and of crusaders was present when Wighaurious and Rinwaryu performed a symbolic burial of the remaining shield in the grounds of the outpost, it has been noted that when the Death Knight placed the shield in the frozen earth the small patch of soil that had been dug up crackled with holy energy as the remnant energies released from the shield.

Wighaurious left the outpost a couple of days later leaving a torn silk cloth with silver lining at rinwaryus side before departure on feet, the cloth remains was identified as a part of a scarf Luidaena had given Wighaurious when he left for the eastern kingdom.

Rinwaryu decided then to move back to the forests of Darnassus, Thaurdúr had come with her but was lost at sea during a storm in which he rescued his pet “Ichigo” from being hit by debries that knocked him of the boat, a Ranger on board the ship said that the last she saw of the Dwarf was him floating in the high waves with his face down and a piece of the ships debris sticking out of his back.

It is later telled in the chapter that Ichigo followed rinwaryu even after she released her in the wild to live among the wild beasts and came to live in the cottage with Rinwaryu.
last entry in the book is noted as that of several months later when the priestess Itoe came to visit informing that Wighaurious had been confirmed lost in the battle at the Citadel.

the remaining text in the book tells of Rinwaryus days tending to the cottage and the nature in and around it, last entry states “Father, I forgive you with all my heart, the dream will soon come and we shall meet again”

- – - – -
And thus my end of World of Warcraft is here, i have now ended my subscription and left the game.

but, was it all a true or was the book a dream?
time will tell, have I just taken a break or permanently moved on from World of Warcraft, this is the same post i made on The Second Sun an MMORPG Player Associations World of Warcraft Forum to which I announce that i have indeed left it, As mentioned it might be the end but even I can not be sure of that.

As you imagine Rinwaryu do you have any story to tell about the light tinted blue skined green haired Nightelf Druid going in your mind?, tell me about it mail it to me and who knows I might post it here on the blog

My charlist:

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I once more return to start a new blog and this time I at least hope to make a blog that I will not forget about or just get to the point where I cant be bothered to use it for no reason.

So what is on my mind?, normaly I would say that it depends on the events of what is being active in and around me of that point.

Much of the time with new social meetings I usualy am asked about my panic attacks and if I know how come I get them, My usual response is that I do not honestly know, but I do know of some events that can cause them, Stress is one of the most common among these (I usualy indicate this is probably due to the stress tolerance being lowered)

Why do you type in english?, Most of those I speak to and chat with speak/type in english, that pointed out I do not presume to use English only in this blog, I will of course write in Swedish at times

As I don’t handle stress that well anymore, I will not be posting frequently, but rather when I have something to write about.

I would suggest if you are intrested in Panic Attacks and such that you browse Wikipedia for information, while doing so you can also get to know me better by checking on the following issues which is suffer from as well: Agoraphobia, Claustrophobia and Hypertension*

* Before I started on beta blockers in my medication I had a Blood pressure of I belive they said it was 140 – 160 thru 100 this they said was due to my stress problems, and since medication I havent experienced anymore white flashes infront of my eyes or heavy headaches.

Most of you will have guessed that Wighar Stamfaste isn’t my real name but a Online Persona which i have used since 1998 or if it was 1999, This will be all for this time read in again or leave comments at your own initiative

ta ta.

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