Recently I have begun to live broadcast and record my game sessions so I can upload them to my Livestream account I got thru Xfire.

Although the videos are not in the best quality it is sufficient enough for the time being and I am not doing anything I would consider professional so quality isn’t on my mind.

Due to limitations of the Xfire application I cant broadcast from some games, that is if I do not adapt the Xfire settings file to allow me to do so if it is possible, else I have to fraps the video and put it together in Windows Movie Maker so it fits within the 1GB source video limitation of the upload capacity to my Livestream account.

The videos are then recoded by Livestreams server so that it works optimally with the websites video player and other services provided by Livestream.

My account type at Livestream is limited to a storage of 10GB I will make backups of videos that are a couple of months old, my intention with the videos is to give potential future players or current players a chance to see the game and as well see how I approach obstacles or what tactics I use in a certain situation that may help them or provide a view to base own tactics for that game.

My Livestream channel you can visit by this link: http://www.livestream.com/xfire_wighar or use the “Live” button at menu bar at the bottom of this webpage.

The warm weather and the limited access to cooling down as my room temperature with the ceiling fan on and window wide open is roughly 25~26c at night and about 28~29c in the day.

My economy can’t handle the purchase of any cooler apparatus at this moment in time but maybe for next year, so I will have to stand the heat this summer.

I twitter as many already have guessed and I am fairly active on it now and then, among those I follow on twitter is VampyBitme a cool & beautiful girl that is a cosplayer, model/stylist and plays video games .

I find her interesting cause I see her as a fun person by her twitter messages and her responses to my own twitters to her, and she has a passion for what she does that I admire to see in people, If I had the possibility I would someday in the future like to go to visit her just to be able to meet this friendly vampire, you can visit her blog at http://blog.vampbeauty.com/

That will have to be all for now, not sure when I will be able to write another post but I hope it wont take to long, have fun and thank you for reading.

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Sunday April 18th morning, my aunt took her last breath and passed away, she was 53, she was my favourite aunt and she was one of those who in my life gave support and strength even at times when I did not need it.
My aunt and I both have Alpha 1-antitrypsin deficiency, which in some may cause emphysema in their later life and there is also a small risk of liver problems.
This is one of those reasons I immediately stopped smoking and at later stage stopped drinking alcohol at parties.
The way I found out I had this deficiency was thru a blood test where my mother asked the doctor that it be tested for in the same time they were probing to find an answer to why I had panic attacks, this being at the spring the year after I got my first panic attacks, as you might understand I had no real knowledge of what the deficiency was about other than that my aunt had it and she was a heavy smoker when younger and had a more progressed situation.
This means that when she came for a visit we had to clean the house at least the day before to remove and clear out dust as well we could not wear any perfumes or antiperspirants which could be bad for her lungs, those who know people with asthma or acute perfume allergy should recognize the need of keeping a clean environment and the air clean of high/heavy concentration chemicals.
Do I have any reaction to high dust or chemical allergy?, Yes I do have reactions to them but not in that extent, I can get nausea and dizziness from some types of perfume over usage or heavy perfumed fabric softeners.
The usual behavior I have seen when people see others that are allergic showing reactions to these things is often simple ignorance or the assumption that the person(s) is faking it to get attention or that they don’t ‘approve’ of the certain smell they are wearing.
Anyway getting bad memories on the subject of perfumes so I will go on to something different.

Mount & Blade: Warband

Mount & Blade in itself is a rather unique Action RPG even without the Warband stand alone expansion version, I myself have not played the original game but went straight for Warband and I love it and the M&B system seems rather easy to mod and I would not be surprised if there will be an abundance of excellent mods to be played in the coming years, having had some time to play the game and try out to start my own kingdom/faction in the game I found it lacking of a specific own faction/rebel kingdom army so I started fiddling on some new troops using “Morgh’s M&B Warband TXT Tools”.

To make it simple I plainly copied the “Native” (vanilla M&B:W game module) and renamed the copy to Rebelarmy that and then started playing around with the tool to see what I could do with it, as for the moment I have no intention of making it public, that is until I am certain that I can make the modified module legally public without problems, better safe then sorry.

Speaking of modifications to M&B:W, I was daydreaming on what one could do or modify into the game and here is a few ideas.

If your not joining a faction you might simply set up in a factions town and have one of your adventuring heroes establish in the local tavern as a mercenary liaison agent that offers men-for-hire to the local caravans heading from the city or if you are in good favor with the local lord offer your men for favorable rates and as favor improves maybe some of the loot from their campaigns or why stop there you are not a loyal subject so why play nice, have some shady dealings with the underworld providing information to lords of the other factions for a price, do some racketeering (extorting local businesses for “protection” money and such.) of course you must try and set up a regular bribe with the guards or risk be run out of town and fall in disfavor with the local lord and his faction.

‘Why not make the mod yourself?’ you might ask, well I would though I don’t think I could take the pressure, not with my stress tolerance at this time anyway, if I did have the right stress tolerance and knowledge of how to make the mod I would probably be punching code and going thru plans and asking for help from experienced modders that could provide some free on their off-time help with it.

Anyway let’s move on to something a bit different.

Starcraft 2: Wings of Liberty to be released on the 27th of July!

I personally want to get into the story and see where the story takes me and what has evolved since the end of the Brood Wars expansion.
When it comes to RTS the story of the game tells if it has a good story that you want to replay the story again, I think they made it rather good in the previous Starcraft and I hope that it will be this time as well.
Multiplayer is as well a good angle but if the story of the game is not interesting enough to entangle the player into the story its just not worth it, but I don’t think it will be like that this time as the game is divided into 3 releases based on the 3 races each getting a game and a separate story that will make the full line, it’s a seriously great idea for those that are taken into the story as long as the story is worth it.

The only thing I believe that could seriously mess up the game would be if Blizzard made the same mistake UBIsoft made with settlers 7 and have a DRM that disgusts the players and potential customers from the game, and only reason I bought Settlers 7 was cause I am a fan of the series and had not seen the notice of the new type of DRM , had I seen it prior to pre-ordering it, I would not order it and wait until one of my friends had gotten it and tried it or actually wait for a cracked version of the game, Yes you read right, I would download the cracked game because of the DRM, because I believe that when you BUY a game and install it you should be able to play it out of the box no matter if you have an internet connection or not.

A DRM to me is like having a Condom you have to call the company and have the phone conversation during the sexual act to have the protection active thru it, and if you suddenly lose contact with the company on the phone, its protection stops working and all stops working, your partner and you become angry cause you have to stop early and cant resume until you manage to get back in contact with the company…
The moment has gone and it is not worth the effort and it will force you to look for a condom that works all the time during the usage of the product so that you can play for as long as you want.
I know a really odd (and disgusting) way of referencing it but you get the idea clearly, I do not like my games to be interrupted as it was when I was playing Settlers 7 the other day and it timed out a check for its DRM server thingy and ended the game, yes it ends the game shutting itself down when it cant get in contact with its “authentication” server.

I have had a dream the last few days where I am sitting on a stump looking out over a sea of flowers that is white and orange with a red middle and in the midst of the flowers sits 2 rather large white cats like the world of warcraft saber mounts sitting next to each other watching a white-purple-ish moon in the night sky with their tails semi tangling together like holding hands on and off, the last I see of this scene is a stream of light, like a star falling… then I wake up and I am back in my bed looking at the roof above my bed wide awake.

I sometimes wonder about my dreams and what they mean if anything..

This is all for now, may the force be with you and see you soon again.

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A heavy cold

This years winter was heavy compared to how it has been the last 10 or so years, and I have indeed missed the chill of a real winter season, an oddity though is that I have been struck with a heavy cold this year and its a first for a very long time, last time I had one this bad was when I was like 15-16 years old.
During a cold I will often blend about 1L of hot water with a flavor enhancer or normal household orange juice that upon consumption will increase my inner-body temperature to battle the cold from within, Warm Chicken Soup or indeed most soups for example will do your body good during a cold as it keeps the body hot.

The Games of old

Looking around in my game collection I found my Sid Meier’s Pirates! box, all CDs still in superb condition, so having a bit of nostalgia I installed the game and began to play, to my surprise however the game seemed to have constant loading pauses during play, like it was loading things every 0,3~0,5 seconds thus making the game visually lag, not sure if its my graphics card, anti virus or anything else that makes this behavior, I started to check what I could possibly turn off to make it run smooth as it should, tried all compatible modes and there was no difference at all.

I tried turning off all antivirus and internet security software and apps, I unplugged my computer from the network prior to turning everything off of course.
This did nada as well, So I am currently stuck with a superb game with a constant graphical lag like state… oh well, guess I’ll find a solution for it later.

Dedication and Explaination

Onward to the world of Online Gaming, as many of you may have seen and read in my posts earlier that I started to run a site for Dedicated Game Servers, which are paid for by public donations and the ad revenue from the Google Adsense program that I have on my blog and the community forum here at stamfaste.se

I did get a few question about “what stamfaste.se is?”, questions like “Is Stamfaste.se a Company Name?”, “How many owners does Stamfaste.se have?” and “Is Stamfaste.se for sale”…
Well first of Stamfaste.se is simply a Website I created and is owned by me, and is used as a project platform for various web based projects by me and my friends, I do not see Stamfaste.se as a company or anything like that, mostly cause I have no idea how to run a company and besides I don’t ask for anything in return for usage of the site, as I explained in earlier posts and such all money that comes in to Stamfaste.se in donation or ad revenue are used for Stamfaste.se server payments and such.

A question I got from a friend was “Have you thought of joining a Affiliate program?”, I have indeed thought about it, though I am not sure I understand them enough to consider them, mostly it’s cause I can’t be bothered to read thru several pages of license / ToS documents with a dictionary to join one, and in most cases you need to join the program to get to see what you actual get to utilize or what is required of you…

The Community and Association

Wish I had so much to write that I could type a post every week instead of whenever I get a feel to do so, but that is how it is, other than Stamfaste.se I am also an administrator for Thesecondsun.org as Head Community Manager, thus I take care of the forums and most community management requirements that the community may need or want.

Though lately I haven’t done much as I am backing of my role to basic management control keeping the forum up and as of late fixing so that the forum is a part of the community rather then the base of the community.

The community being a MMORPG player Association means we have guilds in multiple MMO’s trying to keep a stable and friendly community between the games, as of recently I was given the guild leadership of the World of Warcraft Guild “Children of Twilight” by the Game Master as our leader had been offline for a extended period of time and It was noticed that my bank alt that was in the guild still had the most activity in the guild, I hope that I can restore parts of the guild with a council command structure where my character has a central role but I put the overall command to the council.

I don’t have much else on my mind right now but I hope to make a longer post next time, so see you all then and please do visit my webshop Stamfaste.se Webshop

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Signed and Done

I payed the invoice last night for another 3 months on the Left 4 Dead 2 Server designated [Stamfaste.se] Left 4 Dead 2 Server #1, I had some donated money that was given to me by hand, though I prefer such be done via paypal as I can keep track of the donations better that way

So why do I do it?, I mean rent game servers that then are payed for with help of donations?
Well the thing is that I enjoy gaming like most and like being able to provide an enjoyable atmosphere for players like my self.
Enjoyable atmosphere?, As in a place where players can enjoy liberty from bad behaved players and cheaters, and can fully enjoy the game without distracting elements.

Query: But you suffer from panic attacks and lowered stress tolerance and should not do anything that increases stress or such things?
Answer: Indeed I should not and I hope that players that are respective and are able to share the burden of administrating the servers, keeping the players on the server following the rules of the game and those In-house rules that we expect players to follow to keep the atmosphere as I mentioned a enjoyable one.

Query: So why donations then if you are so generous and well meaning on your part, why not pay for it in full yourself?
Answer: If I had a job and didn’t have the issues I have, I probably would, but such is not the situation, I hope that I one day can be cured of my stress issues and attacks so that I can get a normal life and can provide more to the online community.
I know that relying on public donations wont expand or keep this up in the long run, but it is my hope that players that enjoy the same values in gaming as I do, consider it a cause worth the investment, after all the money is not used for my own benefit but the players.
If by luck the donations and the ad revenue from the google adsense program goes over that of the total cost of the servers rental period payments, then they will be invested/focused on the next payment period or even on additional servers or new game servers.
So how does this profit me?, my profit out of this might seem strange to some but it is the happiness that people gain from what I wish to provide them, life is to short to simply focus on ones own enjoyment so to go on an old cliche “sharing is caring”, Would I profit financially from this?, from the donations, No as I explained earlier they allready have a use and they would not benefit my own economy, my own economy has sufficient funds to keep me up with a computer to play the games on, a roof over my head and provide me with food and medicine so I don’t see a reason to profit financially from all of this, If i had any specific need that requires additional funds then those that my economy cant handle, I still would not use any of the donations for my own benefit as those donations are for the game servers and not my own usage.

Anyway let’s move on..

Radiation and Biology

So I have this week played BioShock 2 and S.T.A.L.K.E.R Call of pirpyat, I was amazed of how much more improved graphics and feel BioShock 2 has against its predecessor, the new content and additional rework of the special skills makes the game more vibrant and the story makes the game a good qualifier for replay value and a desire for a next installment of the series, dosen’t matter if it be in rapture for a 3rd time as long as the story benefits from it.

If you never played BioShock, BioShock 2 wont be any problem, it will however give you the desire to buy the first game just to get more into the plot of the story

Let’s not forget S.T.A.L.K.E.R CoP (Call of Pripyat), once more you are back in the Zone, now as a Major of USS undercover as a Free Stalker to investigate a failed military operation into the Zone where 5 helicopters did not return.
The graphics have been improved in some aspects as well as many of the functions, and as in Clear Sky the Zone once more suffer from emissions that will kill you if you do not find sufficient cover, investigate the Zone for clues to what happend to the helicopters and what secrets is hidden in the radiation of the Zone.

I believe it is time to end this post here as I can’t think of anything worth of writing.
until next time, have fun and play fair.

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The Preorders List

I will once more return to Rapture in Bioshock 2 that at this time of writing is set to be released in Sweden the 9th of February this year.
I hope it will be good or even better than Bioshock, I have seen some videos off it and the new graphics are indeed at first glance a good improvement and I love the addition of the Big Daddy Drill weapon in the teaser videos.

Now as I pre-ordered Bioshock 2 I will receive the book “The art of Bioshock” that comes as a included pre-order gift, as with most games I buy this was pre-ordered at Webhallen obviously .
As I am on the subject of pre-ordered games, I might as well share what else I have on the list of games to come.

Command & Conquer 4 is also on my list and it came with a pre-order inclusive as well in form of beta test access , I have tried it and I have been a beta tester for Command & Conquer series before so I was happy to check for bugs as with all other beta’s I have participated in .
I am one of those people that when I participate in beta tests of games, I do so to find bugs and exploits so that they can be fixed before release, though by experience there are usualy a good amount of people on beta tests that are just there to play the game before release and the most common to complain highly when they find one .

…anyway moving on to yet another game on the list of preorders

The Settlers 7 “Paths to a Kingdom”, the next installment of The Settlers series, I like this series and I have played most of them now and then.
I like games that starts with setteling down in a spot and starting a town and have it progress on the local resources to later expand with research and supply to citizens demands and see if you can supply it on your own or by means of trade and/or diplomacy.

is there a local warlord or enemy faction that has begun to see your presence in the land as a threat to their power of any king like economy or followers, these are games that I can be free to play around with my imagination and explore how to solve the situation and which is the most profitable or best for your settlement.

Moving on in the list we find Napoleon: Total War, I have been a huge fan of the total war games since I first got my hand on Rome: Total War, The Total War games battle system has an easy combat control system that make combat fun and challenging without being to complex to figure out in stressed situations.

I love the management aspect as well where you control everything from economy to dimplomacy got land you can easily re-conquer at a later point in exchange for some land you can make profitable and allows easier access for your military to advance into the neighbouring countries with a deeper and faster impact *evil grin*.

So I am looking forward to its release as I allready pre-ordered it on Steam.

Now lets move on to something completely different..

Friends of mine that use my Server Computer named BOTNC (Brethren of The Northern Coast) which has an email address that is used as a trash mail has informed me that recently there has been an increase in account phissing mail to it, they stretch to phissing for account details to such MMORPG’s as World of Warcraft, Aion and Vanguard as examples.

Now let me explain somethings, the mail address accepts the incoming mail but dosent open them like a mail browser, instead it types the mail in raw DOS-text to a txt document and stored in a folder naming it simply by time and date.
For the example im going to copy the header info and actually publish it here for you to read

[Phissing Mail Header]

Return-Path: <abie...@hotmail.com>
X-Original-To: (hidden)
Delivered-To: (hidden)
Received: from localhost ((hidden))
by (hidden) (Postfix) with ESMTP id 39C81A0B1
for <(hidden)>; Fri, 22 Jan 2010 17:07:12 +0100 (CET)
X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at (hidden)
Received: from (hidden) ([(hidden)])
by localhost ((hidden) [(hidden)]) (amavisd-new, port 10024)
with LMTP id nYfoNRDj4vTE for <(hidden)>;
Fri, 22 Jan 2010 17:06:40 +0100 (CET)
Received-SPF: pass (hotmail.com: Sender is authorized to use ‘abie...@hotmail.com’ in ‘mfrom’ identity (mechanism ‘include:spf-a.hotmail.com’ matched)) receiver=(hidden); identity=mailfrom; envelope-from=”abie...@hotmail.com”; helo=blu0-omc4-s25.blu0.hotmail.com; client-ip=65.55.111.164
Received: from blu0-omc4-s25.blu0.hotmail.com (blu0-omc4-s25.blu0.hotmail.com [65.55.111.164])
by (hidden) (Postfix) with ESMTP id 936B535498
for <(hidden)>; Fri, 22 Jan 2010 17:06:40 +0100 (CET)
Received: from BLU0-SMTP57 ([65.55.111.135]) by blu0-omc4-s25.blu0.hotmail.com with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.3959);
Fri, 22 Jan 2010 08:06:40 -0800
X-Originating-IP: [124.94.43.164]
X-Originating-Email: [abie...@hotmail.com]
Message-ID: <BLU0...@phx.gbl>
Received: from exnhixixb ([124.94.43.164]) by BLU0-SMTP57.blu0.hotmail.com over TLS secured channel with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.3959);
Fri, 22 Jan 2010 08:06:37 -0800
From: “wowa...@blizzard.com” <wowa...@blizzard.com>
To: <(hidden)>
Subject: World Of Warcraft-Account Instructions
Date: Sat, 23 Jan 2010 00:06:20 +0800

[End of Phissing Mail Header]

Question: “What does all this jibberish mean?”
Well let’s begin with who acctualy sent the mail, Above we see the line “X-Originating-Email: [abie...@hotmail.com]” this basically saying that the mail was sent by abie...@hotmail.com and the original send in accordance to “X-Originating-IP: [124.94.43.164]” it was sent from the IP 124.94.43.164, this being an IP that belongs to “China Unicom Liaoning province network” after a quick whois on APNIC (Asia Pacific Network Information Centre).
So then we can assume that a person in China using a free hotmail mail account sent the mail, thus we can asume that the mail is 100% false, and as we allready know this mail was received by a mail account that is not listed to a blizzard account so its busted in before hand.

Question: “Now how do we know it is meant for phissing?”
As we allready figured the mail is sent from china using hotmail, nothing in the mail can be trusted, and the mail account doesn’t have any World of Warcraft account so it is totaly safe to delete it
but to prove the point that it is phissing there is a link in the mail that states the address to the US World of Warcraft website, but we allready know its not from there so we don’t click on it.

(Caution, Do not perform this if you are not totally aware of what you are doing)
I know that if you use Windows and Outlook you should be able to right click the link and use the “Copy shortcut” to copy the actual address that is hidden from view, Now we can visit http://www.who.is and enter the copied shortcut in the search field removing the “http://” and we should get to know where the phissing website is hosted.

In this mail specificly the link points to the registrar information for:

Registrar: XIN NET TECHNOLOGY CORPORATION
Whois Server: whois.paycenter.com.cn
Referral URL: http://www.xinnet.com

the rest of the registrar information on the owner is just plain rubbish, false email address and a random letters name like “asdasd” “fenfen” “gheghe” and such as the domain registrants information.

That it is Xin Net does not surprise me, Xin net has a real bad reputation for bad domains and spam and they are in 7 of 10 cases the registrar that shows up on all spam mail i received on the servers mail address, so don’t think I need to mention anymore on it, but we proven the point of Phissing as the website is not listed as registered by Blizzard Entertainment in the registrars owner information.

For more information on World of Warcraft Account Security read *IMPORTANT* – Account Security at http://us.blizzard.com/support

I recommend any that are World of Warcraft Players that they get the Blizzard Authenticator

Anyway here is where I will stop for this time, Be safe and Play fair

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Post Surgery

So yesterday I went in to the local hospital to have my frenulum repair operation, that is the tiny bit of skin between the foreskin and glands, the back story to this is that i woke up one night with painful feeling in my crotch, apparently the skin had placed it self rather badly and the foreskin was pulled when i twisted in my sleep that cracked the frenulum.

I visited the urologist for consultation, the urologist was a man that barely spoke swedish and he hasted alot so there wasnt much information shared, basicly I was told that it was no problem this could be fixed by a surgeon, so I went in yesterday at 07:30, the old urologist apparently had left and thankfully the urologist was swedish toke a look to explain how they were to repair the frenulum, but after he saw my penis he informed me that my foreskin was extremly tight and was suprised it was not mentioned at my earlier visit, best course of action was Circumcision, operation went smoothly no problems at all, and now here I sit with a pain in the crouch that will take a month to solidly heal, I may not have any intercourse for a month, well thats easy I dont have a girlfriend and I am still a virgin so thats no problem really.

Going to the bathroom is different I have no sense of aim now and the numbness is pretty scary to thought, I had a panic attack last night when the preasure gave me pain as I had an erection like men do during night which is pretty natural, I so do hate having panic attacks

Anyway let’s get on to another topic.

2011 the year of SWTOR?

So they say that Star Wars The Old Republic will be release sometime before summer 2011, I am fine with waiting really, I hope they spend the time fixing bugs and compatability issues, I am a bit of the information train myself, I have yet to read anything on how Crafting will be in the game and if there will be a player housing system and how such system is developed if implimented in final release.

So many questions running a cross my mind… Teräs Käsi, Echanii, Adegha…. so many questions, gah nvm, lets move on.

Nihongo desu ka

Yes indeed, Do you speak Japanese?

I myself have some minor knowledge, yet I do not believe I myself could perform any everyday watercooler talk or such, I do have some education materials to read and listen to so I may learn a bit more when I have time to read and listen to them with dedication.

Dedication is a problem at the moment cause I have so much else to do at the moment, though I will in the comming year listen to the education CD’s while playing games, this worked when I listened to audio books earlier which I now still remember most of it.

I’ll end my post here and hope that you the read enjoy reading it.

- – -
Edit 2010-08-13

Fixed some section of the text that could be miss interperted, I’ll take a look thru to fix it at a later date.
- – -

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Left 4 Dead 2 – The Versus Mode

During the last 2 weeks I have gone from playing normal campaign mode in Left 4 Dead 2 to the Versus mode, which I never tried in left 4 Dead so I thought it was worth to at least try it.
I must confess I love playing as the Infected, most of all I like to freak the survivors by being the Hunter, moving around them out of sight and crouching to make the hunter growling sound and sometimes pounce around an area just so they hear the attack scream close by, or I pounce right into the center and jump around among them before going for my target.

The Spitter and Boomer are a brutal combo when setting up a ambush, have the Boomer vomit on them or get in among them to cover them all in bile when he/she blows up, and while the horde of zombies come from all over a perfect spit will make life hard for the poor survivors, if your lucky one of them will be knocked over.
The Charger can make instant death possible in some areas, as the Charger makes his charge your either stuck infront of the running train accident to happened or your thrown away to the side, if extremely unlucky your thrown into deep water, which means instant death in most cases.

As I got bored of the constant bad ping on servers I decided to do what I used to do before, I used to administrate dedicated game server, so checking that I had so I could afford it on my own hand finding that I could indeed squeeze it in for less than expected, I ordered a 8 slot(s) Left 4 Dead 2 Server from interactive 3D, I have been a customer with i3D for sometime and almost all of my game server rentals has been with them, mostly due to low ping and helpful customer service.
At the moment I am trying to figure out why the server wont accept my orders to go into versus mode only, if I cant figure it out I’ll contact customer support.
I made some new friends on the versus course and I am happy to get invites to games when possible, that is if I don’t check the friends column for games their in.

Parts of my history and on subject of love
recently one could read that The Gamer’s Girl got her engagement ring, Congratulations ^_^ I am happy for her.

I do wish I had a girlfriend myself, but as I mentioned in my blog earlier I have a unknown panic attack syndrome, claustrophobia and agoraphobia among the few.

I guess I can write about it as I am pretty open in my blog anyways..

When I was around 4 years old I believe it was I was approached now and then by a bit older kids say like 6 – 9 years of age, asking if I was the younger brother of OB (I will refer to my older brother as OB for Older Brother from here on), of course I answered truthfully that yes I am OB’s younger brother and they began to ask if he was stupid or strange, (He has Dyslexia, which at that time wasn’t so well known as is now) of course as it was my brother they were bad mouthing I was offended that they talked badly about my brother, and this got me into fights and general discomfortable situations.

Now years afterwards I believe this to be a reason why I had such a bad social knowledge, when i began in preschool some began to tease me cause at this stage the previous problems had made me easy to anger and situations often got problematic…

The year I turned 7 I started school and had no knowledge of what was awaited of me or how things would turn out, the class was like 25 students in a small class room and me with claustrophobia and the presence of so many new faces and some which I remember that bullied me during preschool…
I was in that school for only 2 weeks, they had to evacuate me cause they jumped me on the playground, stole my shoes and threw them on the roof and as memory serves someone poured his food inside my shirt during lunch, a small fight broke out and at the end I was blamed by many as the one that started it.

I started a new school after that in a “small class”, lack of a english equalent name for it, basicly a group of outcasts or “special” kids, my problem was of course the social damage and bullying, at least on this school I wasn’t bullied or attacked everyday, it was calmer and I never had any major incidents like that of the other school, teasing and bullying was less frequent and I was not openly attacked here so I had some social reformation, but at this time I felt safer being closer to grown ups so if I felt that tension was high I went to look for a teacher on patrol until it was time to go back to class.

at 4th grade I began in a “small class” for the older kids, 4th to 6th grade, it became a bit rougher then as the other classmates were a bit of the rougher kind and bad tension occurred now and then but never any major fights.

after 6th grade I was moved over to a School for kids with various problems, some of them was there for major problems like drugs or the general trouble maker that starts fights for no reason at all…

The school was at least directly social adjustable after each students needs, I got some help with regaining social trust and help developing to a more posetiveperson, later on after the years I had spent at that school I moved over to a specialised high school with less problematic students, basicly people who had learning disorders went to this school, I ended up there probably due to the social adjustments I needed to help me add some extra points to my general grades, The school was roughly 2 hours total including a combination of travel with train and subway.

The year I was to turn 18 I technicly graduated from that high school and after summer I had choosen to go to Adult Community School (I believe one can translate it as such) that fall I had my first panic attack and pretty much had them every night until i was given medication against it, the attacks I had back then was so intense that I was acctauly placed on the highest allowed dosage and they pretty much made me a walking zombie, I cumped in to everything, as I needed the income one gets when going to school I had to continue even though every day I was depressed, sleepy constantly and affraid of the next panic attack coming around the corner…

This kept on during my later studies as well and I still have panic attacks, but I stoped going to school when I was finally able to get economic support from the goverment, so these days I have a balanced medication that keeps me well enough to do less straining things and everything dosent feel like walking with lead weights on your shoulders.

So back to where we started with the pointing out that I don’t have a girlfriend, this is partialycause that I toke the stance when I was 19 that I would feel really bad having to burden someone I love with the problematics and hardship I endure in life, I am 26 now and so I have had panic attacks for 8 years now, It’s been rough now and again, but I believe I am now so stable that I can have a girlfriend, just hope I meet some nice girls to get to know

On that note I think I may have bored you enough or prehaps enlightend you, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

I just had a run of versus in L4D2, I ended up on a server with like 10-14 year olds, so childish language and one of them that seemed to be a real d-bag kept on being a little shit for most of the game, in the early stages I proved his team that acting an arse wasn’t in his best favor, they basically got like 8-10% of the way in before we ambushed them and ended it there, the match went on, and in the end the team I was on won by +600 points

Basically people, being a dunce and a easily raged person won’t make you a good team player or someone people want to play with in the long run.

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Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare 2

I bought the game in October from my favorite online retailer Webhallen.com, I had heard there was a lot of fuzz about it not having dedicated servers but was matchmaking, but I wasn’t really intrested in how it would connect me to others as long as I could play it multiplayer while I was not playing it in singleplayer mode.

I found myself bothered though by the laggy matchings that it made now and again, i was at times set in games where the ping rate ran over 100ms, this obvious to many with high performance machines such as my own makes the multiplayer experience lacking finesse, knowing im not alone in this I queried a few searches on the search engines out there, the result was to edit mp_config.cfg that you locate in your “steam\steamapps\common\call of duty modern warfare 2\player” folder, edit the file and exchange the line
seta cl_maxPing “800″ (default value)
to something more accurate like
seta cl_maxPing “110″
This should apparently limit matchmaking to not accept any hosts over 110ms ping
Source Article: “Tank Master’s Blogg (Swedish)

This little trick seems to work, I have not had any laggy hosts in MW2 since, but to further improve my performance I installed the O&O CleverCache 7 Professional and O&O Defrag 12 Professional, I thought testing these things would be fun just for a goof, but in overall my computer performed much smoother in MW2 as well as many other games on my system, so much so I am acctualy thinking of buying the software when the trial version runs out.

Christmas Shopping

Browsing the Web for christmas gifts for people can sometime be terrible if you dont have a clue what the want or like, I was searching among many of the major stores online to see if there was anything I could afford or that i knew the individual would like, for another gamer you might come of well with a gift on steam for example but its not as much a pleasure as a store bought package wraped in colourful paper.

If i had a girlfriend I would have looked into jewelry or something affectionate, this might sound strange to some but I would buy a cat bell and make a necklace or chocker thing of it and give it to her in a box with the note “To my dearest one for which I would feel lost, A bell that shall guide my way to you always”, maybe a touch more romantic note that rhymes a bit more, but you get the point, that or if I would have enough money a voucher for a luxury spa weekend or such, I don’t know, depends on her likes and dislikes if she tells me honestly what she wants

Funny Stuff simple and Easy all day fun things and such…

Kotaku.com “Rise and Shine, Mr. Freeman. Rise and Shine”
This one made me laugh out loud (lol), that makes me wonder when Half-Life 2: Episode 3 will come…

GirlsDontPlayGames.Com
I like this comic and the style is cute ^_^, I know some girls who play games and are really good at it, I have had my behind handed to me by girls in FPS now and then nothing wrong with that , I think it’s cool that there are less stereo-types in and about gaming these days.

MegaTokyo: “not something we can change”
I like this online Manga and I especialy love the Neko (or is it a Kitsune) Girl in this strip, I try to follow the series and jump to it when I see the update message in my RSS reader when a new strip is posted
among most favorite characters in MegaTokyo i must say that Ping and Erika are those I seem to have the most intrest in as of the time of writing, might be because they have the most picture time right now

*walks around in infinite Cyberspace with his mind on other things…*

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Fashion denied

I remember back a year or two ago or so I believe it was, I was chatting on a IRC chat about this and that, at one point we were discussing anime and we came on to the subject of Cat people (mostly Cat Girls), discussing the different characters as well as ability among them, a girl from the US in this same chat shared that she had during the later part of the summer that year been wearing a nekomimi (jap: “Cat ears”) which she felt comfortable with wearing and that when she came to high school was told by the principal apparently after discussion that she could not wear it in school or face being temporarily suspended or something in that fashion.

To me that sounds like being rejected for having a different fashion sense or difference of opinion, this is I believe about the same way she saw upon it, it was part of her personality and individuality as well as part of her fashion.

I think that it is time we begin to increase tolerance in society and allow a more open eye to personal fashion ideals, if someone wants to walk around with something like for example Bunny ears, a Iron Halo or have outlandishly coloured hair, why would that be any different from the fashion of piercings, tattoos or wearing nothing but black leather.

Don’t we all want Liberty and Democracy?, come on try it, organize a day with friends and their friends, dress in what you want to wear or try out wearing what someone else would want to wear, go on have you ever wondered how it would be to go along as a Playboy Bunny or dye your hair in the rainbows colours or dress as a pirate and question those around you how your looks affect them and explain how it makes you feel, dare be creative and explain that its fashion, not a costume party

Just food for thought, I would love to hear what you think about it, if you want to share your fashion, you can send me pictures, be sure to note if I can display them on the website

~ And onward to something different ~

Do you have SAD?

A year ago I was talking with my mate Kundara about how I go into a hibernation like state during the winter months, he then said ‘Sounds like you have SAD (Seasonal Affection Disease)’ and since then I have referred to this seasonal behaviour as such, basically my body wants to go to sleep all the time and one remains in that (teenager-just-woke-up-on-a-school-day-morning-just-want-to-go-back-to-sleep) state until like February.

I have many times tried to increase the amount of light in my environment and drink lots of cola and coffee, but it has only a mild effect to my winter days, only difference I have noticed myself seem to be when there is snow outside, it helps brighten up and I do keep awake a bit longer then the 5-7 hours I normally get during these periods.

~ Moving on ~

Left 4 Dead 2

So Left 4 Dead 2 will officially be released on wednesday the 18th of November 06:00 CET on Steam, Well guess I will play it on wednesday then when ever I wake up that morning then, the demo was ok if not very short, the first impression of the melee weaponry is that they will be fun in those situations when the undead hordes gets in close and surrounds you and you need to slash your way out of there, and lets face it, hitting a zombie dead center with a guitar is just to much fun, rock on *grin*

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A few days ago I sat down and begun once more to install some older games I have not played for some time, Mech Commander 2 and Mech Warrior 4:Vengeance, I would have installed the expansion Black Knight, but I could not find the disc.

I remember playing it heavily during 2006 and I had a custom made mark/badge thingy that i will try to remake, it was a badge with 2 large Silver Leaves and a Broad Sword in the middle, the mark of ”Tobards Knights” Merc organisation lead by Adam Tobards, don’t remember the background story anymore but that was what it was.

I have always been a fan of the Battletech universe since the animated series hit The Children’s Channel that was on swedish tv for a few years, as i had a PC i was happy to find a demo of Mech Commander on a magazine CD, I must have spent at least a year playing the demo as I didnt have any income to buy the game, I did get the full game with the collectors box-set of Mech warrior 3 (including Mech warrior 3 T-shirt) Expansion Pirates moon and Gold-edition of Mech Commander).

Mech Commander 2 had been released and I had no clue until a mate showed me the game, he had one of those cracked versions that still had bugs and loads of sound and music was missing, I spent a couple of weeks looking for it and contacted a mate that offered me one for cut-rate price in exchange for a future deal, the deal was payed out a few weeks later for 2x 6-pack of beer, which actually cost more then the cut off but I didn’t mind as i had just received money.

A thought just hit me “OUCH!” (yeah I know silly pun), I have been looking for a large size coffee cup for sometime believe it is ”36 oz” you know those large ones people use for Soup sometimes, they seem hard to find… though i did find a custom printer that sells them but that was at a minimum of 20 or more per order, I only need 1 or 2 honestly

Ok some may think it is for coffee or tea, but it’s not, I drink hot water mixed with juice, this is to internally heat the body as a protection from colds and germs, but yes i would probably use it for coffee as well but it’s not what i prioritize it for.

I play the sims 3 and sim city societies (+expansion Destinations), The Sims 3 is mostly due to the architectual creations, creating a house, maybe even furnish it just for fun before I throw it out into the exchange (if i even bother to), and Sim City Societies for the city building/management

The Sims as a game can be played on many different levels pending on if you like construction, achievments or a digital family management system or whatever you think could be fun.

im begining to feel dizzy so I’ll go to my bed and stare on the tv until it stops.

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