School life darkness

I don’t remember much happiness in my life, most are covered by the events of harassment from those that bullied or thought it fun to just torment…

When I started school I gained weight rather quickly, mostly due to eating as a way of escaping from the bullying and the teasing from the other students, this of course made me fat and as you might expect started another set of torment for me in school, to such degree that I was obviously ashamed of my own body and would not shower with my own class mates after P.E or rather waited for them to be finished before I went in.

I was in one of these small classes where those with special needs seemed to end up and that was probably a double edged knife which was partially in my back, on the good part it meant I didn’t have to be stressed over the size of class and constantly look over my shoulder to see where the bad elements where, however this isn’t a good idea as it made me an outcast or part of the ”strange” student/person category which is there but no one socially admits to, least not the teachers or principal.

As I mentioned it was a double edged knife in the regard of good and bad results from being placed in a ”small” or ”special” class, this resulted in me being kept in such classes all through my school years, I was even sent to a school during grade 7-9 that was roughly 30mins away traveling on a bus, all I knew was that I went to the school due to ”Social needs” and I didn’t know what that meant at the time as no one had explained it that didn’t speak using jargon that I never understood what the heck they said and even if you asked what they meant they kept using other jargon that made less sense then the first.

This school had many students from different troubles, where the majority was so called “§12” so called after the paragraph in the Swedish law about special care of the young (Swedish: “Lag (1990:52) med särskilda bestämmelser om vård av unga”), however I wont go in deep about what that means, I’ll leave that to you to find out for yourselves, but to give a fast through basically teens that had been removed from their homes or institutionalized for teens with special needs or criminal history or heavy drug use.

So in a sense I had gone from being an outcast and victim of bullying into a school with people you needed to keep a good eye on everyone around you, however, that school was good in giving me some social encouragement into developing social skills as we had a consular per 4-6 students, we even had dogs in school which was a great practice to keep many of the more hyperactive students calmer and was generally a positive during recess and after lunch brake.

This same school helped me get into a Gymnasiet (see Wikipedia ‘Gymnasium‘) dedicated for those with special needs, I wasn’t told clearly this time either what this school was about nor what I could expect from it, this time it was it was so far away it took 90 – 120 minutes to get to the school in morning rush traffic… at least we got breakfast at school if we got there the hour before classes started.

During Gymnasiet I had some easier time with social interaction since no one knew me from my home town or they had their own issues and I kept away from those I saw as potential trouble, I somehow got in close with some of the girls in school and became friendly enough that when we said hello we did it with a hug, I think I was viewed by most of them as a nice guy although a bit strange, I remember a event where a girl during the late shift of the school when most students had gone home was sitting at one of the tables in one of the seating areas alone crying, I didn’t know her that well but I went up to her concerned and she didn’t respond to when I asked why she was crying, after a while I hugged her and said “don’t worry, you can cry on my shoulder”, I felt her emotions and thus started to shed tears myself, after a while she put her arms around me as well and we were there for a few minutes before she told me her boyfriend had dumped her and that’s why she was crying.

I have mentioned sometimes that I am an ‘Empath’ or an Empathic sponge as my mother called me once, I seem to have a calming effect or like a sponge absorb away bad emotions/thoughts from people when I am physically near them, especially girls it would seem or at least girls are those that show the most difference and I guess it is cause I show concern when I feel someone is stressed or have some underlying issues.

Anyway I think most of you will have had enough of my school life and how I saw it for now and I will probably come back to it sometime but for this time it will have to be done.

I hope you all had some interest in this or have reflections of your own, feel free to leave comments, but I ask that you be nice and don’t leave silly or bad comments.

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